It has been a while since I blogged. I kind of reached a point of being too busy and too pregnant to write. I am writing this post in response to some of the conversations sparked by the article "The Most Scientific Birth Is Often the Least Technological Birth" that recently made it's way across the web. Now I knew when I began responding in the comments section that my homebirth loss had the potential to be brought into the conversation as a way to make me look like I am crazy. I have found this to be typical of someone when they have no other way to counter your argument besides going below the belt. It has brought up some interesting thoughts though.
First I want to put a few things into perspective here. I had a homebirth loss that I speak extensively about in this blog. For some reason because I have not blamed anyone or the type of birth (i.e. homebirth VBA2C) for his death, this has become an open invitation to the people on the internet to suddenly become doctors, coroners, therapists, and psychologists who have the ability to diagnose things via the internet. It's actually gotten to be quite laughable. If a person goes to yahoo questions and posts a medical question everyone thinks they are a whack for trying to get a medical diagnosis over the web instead of seeing a real live human doctor. Yet because I am not blaming my midwife or the type of birth I had for the death of my baby suddenly it is OK to diagnose not only the cause of my baby's death but my mental state as well. Hypocritical much?
First I want to put a few things into perspective here. I had a homebirth loss that I speak extensively about in this blog. For some reason because I have not blamed anyone or the type of birth (i.e. homebirth VBA2C) for his death, this has become an open invitation to the people on the internet to suddenly become doctors, coroners, therapists, and psychologists who have the ability to diagnose things via the internet. It's actually gotten to be quite laughable. If a person goes to yahoo questions and posts a medical question everyone thinks they are a whack for trying to get a medical diagnosis over the web instead of seeing a real live human doctor. Yet because I am not blaming my midwife or the type of birth I had for the death of my baby suddenly it is OK to diagnose not only the cause of my baby's death but my mental state as well. Hypocritical much?
The assumption that homebirth and/or my midwife was terrible being the cause of my baby's death is no different than if I posted a story about a family member complaining of pain in their right abdomen then they die and everyone is *sure* it was due to a ruptured appendix. If you were not present during my pregnancy or birth then how can you be so sure what happened? You have no first hand knowledge, you have nothing but your own misconceptions to go on.
The statement: " Poor woman. She is in denial." is something I have seen several times over the last few years when people hear about my loss. This was the attitude with or without details of his birth and based solely on the fact that I am not blaming anyone. It makes me wonder what it is that these "professional" wanna be psychologists think I am in denial about???? And why is it okay to tell *me* I am in denial because I am not blaming anyone yet those who do blame the entire world for their losses are not in denial? The fact remains that if you were not present at a birth to see how it was ( or wasn't) handled you are not in any position of authority to state what did or didn't go wrong nor are you in a position to diagnose anyone's mental state.
The statement: " Poor woman. She is in denial." is something I have seen several times over the last few years when people hear about my loss. This was the attitude with or without details of his birth and based solely on the fact that I am not blaming anyone. It makes me wonder what it is that these "professional" wanna be psychologists think I am in denial about???? And why is it okay to tell *me* I am in denial because I am not blaming anyone yet those who do blame the entire world for their losses are not in denial? The fact remains that if you were not present at a birth to see how it was ( or wasn't) handled you are not in any position of authority to state what did or didn't go wrong nor are you in a position to diagnose anyone's mental state.
I knew when I started this blog I would be opening myself up to a lot of scrutiny as well as having salt poured into a never healing wound. But I did this because I know that I am not alone. There are other women like me. Other loss moms who are at peace and who are unmoved in how they view birth. Other mothers who may be too afraid to even tell their story because women are so vicious towards each other. We should be embracing every loss mother with loving arms. I have witnessed so many women being completely trashed and battered because of the way they deal with their loss.We are destroying each other with hate instead of building each other up with love. It's really quite sad.
"United we stand, divided we fall. "-Aesop
"United we stand, divided we fall. "-Aesop
Michelle, thanks for being such a voice of reason in an atmosphere otherwise filled with so much insanity.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know if these folks realize what hypocrites and even bullies they are being when they make wild accusations and judgments over the internet.
And surely, if we were to diagnose what was wrong with their births, or were to assume we knew anything about the healthiness of their choices or mental states, they would tell us how clueless we were and that we had no right. ;)
It seems to me these folks have a situation where they think they are always right and may never be questioned, while anyone who opposes them is automatically always wrong. It's funny how that works... and I wonder, who decided that?